Looking After You
by Evangeline Dixon
Summary: Kenny is going through something bad and there isn't much Craig can do to help him...but he can try his best. Crenny, CraigxKenny (slash and smut and stuff)
1. Looking After You

So sorry for OOC Craig and Kenny but I'm not really.

* * *

"I'm not right," I whispered to him.

We had been here for hours. Sitting on the side of the pavement, staring at the road, at the cars, at the people, at the sky. Anything but each other.

"Shut up Ken," He whispered, nervous and under his breath as he avoiding catching my eye.

Everything seemed like it was falling apart.

A year ago, my Dad had finally gone to jail for child abuse, it was the night he broke my rib, my nose, my arm and Karen's collar bone. He got twenty years.

It was around six months of living alone when my Mum decided to blow her brains out. Which meant Karen got shipped off the live with our Auntie and Uncle and I was left alone.

I'm 19 now and I've got three serious drug overdoses, one case of strangulation through auto erotic asphyxiation and a couple slashed wrists under my belt.

Plus the fact I think I'm gay.

"It's all so fucked," I mumbled as the sun began to retreat behind the buildings. "I'm fucked,"

I felt tears prick at my eyes and I hastily rubbed them away. They kept coming and after doing battle with them for so long I realized I had lost. I was always losing. I let them cascade over my cheeks as I curled over my knees.

"No," Craig turned to me and I felt his hand on my back, "It's not fucked, you're not fucked, I won't let that happen Kenny,"

His hands were on my face, lifting me up as they tangled in my filthy blonde hair, pulling my hood down as his forehead rested against mine.

I'm so cold, but Craig is warm.

"It is fucked Craig," I whisper quietly, so quiet I know he can't hear it, before I stand.

I jam my hands into the pocket of my parka, I try forget about the fact I know it's blood stained. I don't know why I kept it, Craig tells me it's because I did really love my parents, even if they were assholes and I don't want to lose them completely. I think he's being ironic.

With a sigh I relinquish a hand from my pocket and offer it down to Craig. He get's to his feet but doesn't take it, he's already got his own hands rammed in my jacket.

"If it is fucked Ken," He whispers to me and a tiny smile glances across my face when I feel his breath in my ear, "Then we're both fucked,"

That's when he starts walking and I follow him like a lost puppy because that's what I am. I follow him around, telling him how much I want to die and I keep waiting for his fist to suddenly connect with my face but it never does; I'm always scared it will one day.

"Your ass looks good in those jeans," I say and I wait for the punch.

"Stop looking at my ass," Craig replies as he walks away.

We won't go home though, no, we never go home.

We are home.

* * *

So we keep walking, we keep walking all the way down the train tracks, waiting to come to my house. My old house.

I hate to see it, it's so painful to think of what went on in that house, excruciating even, but in some sick way I thrive on that pain, it's all that's keeping me alive.

That, and Craig.

Craig doesn't care. Craig goes along with everything. Craig let's me cope how I want.

But he won't let me die. No. He won't let me finish and it's selfish and I hate him. I hate every time he finds me curled up in my apartment and every time his fingers are down my throat and I'm spewing up everything I took last night and I hate waking up in bed with bandages around my wrists and I hate seeing him there afterwards and I hate how he never says anything.

We gloss over it, we act like it never happens, but he's always there, I swear he's bugged my place.

Craig hears the train coming a long time before I do because he's already silently taken my arm and dragged me onto the other side of him, so I'm no where near the tracks.

"Why'd you do that?" I ask.

He shrugs in response and holds out a packet of cigarette, he doesn't smoke and neither do I but sometimes we do and today is one of those days. So I slide one from the packet and jam it in my mouth, Craig lights it for me and we continue walking. I blow smoke rings and poke holes in them so they don't die virgins and Craig shakes his head in stoic disgust.

Then I can hear the rumble of the train and I want to turn towards the tracks but Craig is there so I turn to look at him.

"Never," He tells me but I don't hear him because the train screaming past is so loud.

"I hate you," I tell him, because he can't hear it either and I do. I do right then.

But I don't, I love him.

He turns away from me and I'm suddenly frozen, Craig grips the back of my neck and it spurs me into life, he was never good with words. I was the talkative one.

We reach the house and I feel of exquisite anguish wash over me. I want to cry and hit something but I don't because last time I cried and hit something it was Craig,.

I hit him and he hit me back and I cried and screamed and yelled and that was the first time we had sex. Afterwards he told me he wouldn't let me leave him alone in this place. That was the closest to I Love You we would get.

Instead I sat down in the yellowing grass of our lawn, it didn't look much different except the door and windows were now boarded up and there wasn't a car in the drive way

"I'm not moving," I said, sighing.

Craig nodded in silence.

"I'm never fucking moving!" I yelled at him.

We were silent. The whole world was silent.

He sat down next to me, his hands glued into his pockets.

"I'll carry you if you like," Craig knew that we were fucked but he didn't want to admit it.

I sighed and allowed my head to roll over onto Craig's shoulder.

"That's fucking stupid Craig," I said softly to him.

We sat like that for a while, we were all we had left and neither of us could admit it.

* * *

By the time we were back at mine. I was feeling almost okay.

I even let Craig hold my hand.

No, Craig even let me hold his hand.

We stood at my doorway and Craig dragged his thumb over my white knuckles, he eyes glued to the affection.

"Kenny," His voice was gravelly, he stood an inch taller than me and he looked sad, he looked tired, he was tired of me, "I won't ever,"

He choked, I could feel the combination of our palms getting warmer as color flushed our cheeks.

"I won't ever let you," He finished, staring me in the eye. "You know..."

I saw everything I wanted then, I saw that he hated me, that he loved me, that he was the same as me, that I wasn't fucked. No, that we were both fucked, but that was okay.

I nodded somberly.

"Now," He dropped my hand and zipped his coat to the very top, sticking his hands back into his pockets and shuffling awkwardly backwards, "Am I gonna be back here tonight?"

I shook my head, a small smile caressing my lips as I brought my hand up to cup his face. I knew he didn't like the gesture but I didn't care.

"No Craig, you won't need to come back here tonight,"

We both knew I was lying.


	2. Fuck me, Fuck you

**Okay, so, ugh, I tried smut...and I don't know why. It's probably shit because I don't know how boys have sex/what people like when reading boys have sex and yeah. I'm sure Craig would last longer than I portrayed.**

**Plz don't hurt me.**

* * *

This time I knew it would work, this time it would work. I'd do it fast and I'd bleed out well before Craig could even say my name.

Holding the razor tight in my hand I felt it begin to slice into my palm, it pulled away sticky and covered in my dark, velvet blood. I flexed my hand lazily, watching the cut well and re-well with blood, as I readied my self again.

I knew the hand that was wrapped around my wrist was Craig's.

"McCormick, you son of a bitch," Craig peeled the razor away from my hand sadly.

He had crept in like a ghost, it wasn't like the lock on my door actually worked, sliding upstairs and always finding me moments before.

I rubbed angry tears away from my eyes, my hands were shaking and I was still aware of Craig's presence, crouching behind me.

"What are you? My boyfriend?" I shuddered, wishing it was true.

Craig would never go for something like that, we were just friends, we had sex sometimes. That was it. That was what drove me crazy, that after all the times he rescued me, all the times he put up with my mindless rambling and sex talk and he still couldn't say I Love You..

"Stop it," Craig growled, I could tell he was getting angry. He got angry sometimes and it thrilled me, I liked seeing him angry because it made me feel there was something inside that fucking cold fucking stupid fucking shell of his ,that meant he was capable of fucking feeling fucking emotion. The stupid, fucking, dick!

I swung at him, I'm not saying I meant it but I swung at him. If it wasn't for the fact I had seven beers down me, I would have probably connected with his face. Instead, I fell on mine.

"Aww fuck," I groaned while on the floor.

I felt Craig grab the back of my white shirt and hoist me around, I lay on the floor, staring up at Craig's deep, blue eyes. Even though I knew what Craig was going to do it made me even angrier to see the pity in his eyes. I was not something to be 'pitied.'

I writhed, delirious, on the ground, attempting to get another punch in.

Craig's fist came down across my cheek and suddenly everything was pitch black.

* * *

"Boy Ken, you sure have a fuck load of porn," I blinked a couple hundred times as the light crept in around my eyes.

I was in bed, my shoes were on the floor and the duvet had been pulled up around my neck. There was a ringing in my head that sounded like a thousand cats whining. I looked at my cut hand, it was bandaged and there was a smear of blood on the paper

I groaned and rolled over. Craig was sat in a chair across from my bed, his long legs crossed as he cocked his head at the magazine in front of him.

"And what looks like a slight BDSM fetish," Craig raised his eyebrows and I made a swipe at the magazine.

I watched as Craig smirked, then he looked at me and his smile faltered slightly.

"What is it?" I muttered, running my hand over my face until I felt a sharp pain around my eye and I knew it was blackened.

"Sorry..." He mumbled, throwing the magazine onto the large pile in front of him.

"Sorry is all I get?" I barked, swinging myself out of bed. "You fucking punched me!"

Craig shrugged, browsing through the pile with his foot, grimacing at the leather clad girls on the front.

I pushed myself from the bed, wobbling slightly as I stormed up to Craig. I towered above him in his prone state and it made me feel powerful, I swear I even saw him cower slightly.

"You know I wouldn't just let you hit me," Craig smirked, staring down at the magazines still, "and get away with it,"

I roared in ager and frustration, gripping onto Craig's shoulders and yanking him from the chair, throwing him up against the red brick wall.

"I didn't ask for you to save me!" I yelled, slamming him into the wall. Craig's mouth parted and his eyebrows drooped, slouching slightly.

I knew Craig didn't like to talk about it. He wanted to pretend it didn't exist, that I was still the happy Kenny he used to know but I wasn't and now he had to be happy for the both of us. That was an incredible feat for Craig Tucker and admitting that I was suicidal wasn't going to help.

"Fuck off," Craig sighed, trying to push me away from him but I held on. I would always hold on. "I said, FUCK OFF!"

Craig jerked his arms up and I lost my grip on his shoulders.

We fought a lot. There were just times when we felt so alone, like there was no one around. Craig still had his family, sure, but he despised them and I was pretty sure that they despised him a lot of the time too.

However, there were times where the fights got really bad, like today. Craig had a short temper and I took great pleasure in being the one to ignite that fuse. I understood it was possible to have this conversation in a calm and civilized manner but that would just be another mundanely boring portion of his numb life that would seem to drag for eons.

Craig grabbed him and drove him to the adjacent wall, he didn't say anything. Craig could shout, Craig could get angry but there was never any crashing conclusion of 'I love you!' or 'I don't want you to kill yourself!' There was just sex, pain and unspoken conversations.

Grabbing my hair, he yanked hard and threw me down to the ground. I landed with a exhalation of pain as as Craig descended on top of me, one leg thrust in between mine, creating a his leg, my leg, his leg, my leg, pattern.

He stared into my eyes, he was angry and I knew it, I knew he was angry at me, I had provoked that reaction in him. His eyes softened at the site of me cowering beneath him.

That's when I headbutted him.

"Fuck," Craig smeared his blood across his face with the back of his hand.

"You're nose is so big, I just couldn't resist," I grinned impishly as he drew his lips over his teeth in a snarl.

"Shut up Kenny," He warned me with a hand rested against my throat. He increased the pressure as I grinned at him again.

When I laughed, he flipped me onto my stomach, growling as he held my head down.

"I said, shut your fucking mouth," His voice waved, his hand trailing down over my back.

I grappled with my belt, alerting Craig to the clink of metal. I heard him scoff at me, his hand taking over mine as he undid the zip, sliding my trousers over my legs in a jerking frenzy.

I whimpered slightly as the material scratched and I heard Craig exhale, agitated.

He pinned me down with his own body and I backed up into him, allowing him to tangle one hand up in my hair as the other fiddled with his zip.

He was muttering to himself as he pulled on my hair, all I could hear was a couple of 'fucks' and 'dicks' and 'assholes'. Then, a horrendous pain shot through me, a burning that I was very familiar with. Tears smarted in my eyes and I cried out against the floor, Craig shushed him and I obliged, I wanted someone to take control. I wanted something in my life that I wasn't in control of. Craig was just that.

Craig molded to the shape of my body as he rock into me, the dry sex was aggressive but he knew it was what I was pining for, I whimpered again and was met by Craig biting my shoulder. One of his hands lay on my spine and the other gripped my neck like a vice.

"Fuck you!" Craig stoped his biting to whisper in my ear, I swear I could hear his voice break.

"Fuck me," I replied and Craig happily obliged, returning to my shoulder, finally breaking the skin. I yelled out and turned my head, Craig's teeth were slightly bloody, his eyes shiny with annoyance as he shifted slightly. Slamming into me at a different angle, he placed both hands of my hips, yanking me towards him, bruising my soft, alabaster skin with his grip. I moaned simply as Craig picked up his pace, muttering senselessly to himself again.

"Go on Craig," I coaxed him, "Please,"

It was only so long until we both finished. Craig's muscles twitched under his tan skin, mine relaxed as I arched my back with a strangled cry.

With both of us panting, sweat glistening on our bodies, I felt the warmth of Craig leaning over my back, his forehead pressed against the base of my back as we lay in our destruction and I knew he was crying.


	3. Stay

**balancing extreme D/s with fluff for 24601.**

* * *

I could tell Craig was crying. He got upset sometimes, when he thought he'd hurt me or when he could just couldn't deal with me anymore.

I knew I was ruining his life, why do you think I kept trying to end mine?

Craig drew backwards, carefully readjusting himself so it looked like he wasn't fucking me five minutes earlier. He put his hand on my arm and pulled me very gently towards him, reaching around and pulling my trousers up, all the while his face was buried in the curve of my neck.

I could tell he felt bad, he thought he had upset me, gone too far or something but he didn't know that I felt a surge of warmth every time he let go like that. Being with the person who kept you alive, but acted like they were dead took a lot of guesswork. He was beginning to show me that sometimes I pushed him too far and sometimes he wanted to hit me and although he cared he was never, ever going to let the little things slide.

I loved that.

"I'm sorry," He mumbled and I know it was taking him a lot of effort, "For hitting you, for...doing what I just did,"

I sighed and leant against him, I couldn't see him but that was okay, I knew he meant it.

"For stopping me...?" I inquired and I felt him freeze. For a moment, I was scared, I thought he was going to shout or something along those lines.

He shoved me away from him and got to his feet, glaring down at me, those beautiful blue eyes had turned black. Reaching down he wrapped the collar of my shirt around his fist and hoisted me to my feet. I didn't even bother trying to fight back, I didn't have the energy.

Craig was taller than me, he towered above me, staring down at the top of my head. I should have felt fearful, most people would if Craig had them in this position but instead I felt nothing but protected.

With a final jerk, I was pulled closer towards him; so close that the top of our chests were touching.

"_Never_ for stopping you Kenny," Craig's lips crashed against mine.

My eyes widened in shock.

Craig did not kiss me.

Craig never kissed me.

His eyes were squeezed shut. Slowly, I shut mine too and sandwiched my top lip over his bottom lip. Craig kept one hand on my shirt, keeping me pressed to his body; the other snaked around the back of my head and tried to force my head into his even more. Both my hands slouched lazily at my side, everything seemed to be going way to quickly and before I knew it, it was over.

Craig pulled his lips from mine with a 'pop' and placed his pallid mouth to my forehead, his hands resting almost gently on my temples.

"I don't want to lose you," He murmured into my hair, it was barely a hiss into the blonde mop but I heard it.

"Okay," I replied.

It wasn't the answer he was looking for, just like most of the time, Craig's answers weren't what I was looking for. It was good enough for him now though, it was good enough.

"I'll stay here tonight," Craig let go and suddenly Kenny felt empty, a waft of cold air the space where Craig had been. Craig turned and jogged from the room, back to where he found me earlier.

Craig Tucker came back with an overnight bag.

* * *

"Hold still," Craig grunted, pulling my hand closer to him as we both sat on my tiny bed. I was sitting, cross legged, in a orange shirt and a pair of checked boxers, I only wore boxers to sleep in really.

Craig wrapped a new and clean bandage around the cut on my hand, I looked at him in his loose white shirt and a pair of long, checked, pyjama trousers. He gave me back my hand and I flexed it wearily.

The day had been too long and now my eye lids began to droop. With two well placed hands on my shoulders, Craig shifted me so I was lying down, my head snug against the pillow. The bed lightened slightly with a creak.

"Don't go," I mumbled wearily and heard Craig sigh.

He sat on the bed again.

"I won't," He told me, placing a hand so dangerously close to my own that my fingers twitched.

"Will you still be here when I wake up?" I muttered, I could feel myself drifting away into slumber.

"That's the question I want to ask you everyday Ken,"

"What?" I asked, because I was delirious with exhaustion, even though I heard him just fine.

"Yes McCormick, I'll be here," He inched his fingers towards me and brushed my fingertips, gently. "I'll always be here,"

"How will I know," I asked, I was half asleep now and talking shit.

"What?!" The bed moved as Craig turned to stare at me, confused.

"How will I know you're there?" The question didn't make sense, there was no way I could know he was there when I was asleep.

"You just_ will_ Ken," He grumbled, throwing his feet down next to mine so I knew he was lying on the tiny bed next to me.

It was quiet, just the sound of Craig breathing and that was barely audible.

I was afraid he would leave and I wanted to stay awake to make sure he didn't but the careful lull of the night was pulling me under it's spell and I was falling deeper and deeper every second.

Craig didn't leave though, I know that because I woke up at four in the morning and he was still there and he was still awake and he was very slowly, very diligently, stroking my hair.

In the morning he had dark, purplish bags under his eyes.

I had a feeling that he was stroking my head all night.


	4. Scars

"Can I use your computer?" I asked.

Craig nodded and I took a seat at the machine. The house was empty, Craig's parents were at work and Ruby was at school. Taking a seat on the bed, he watched me as I started up the computer, I used to have beaten up one but it broke down a long time ago, plus it was in the old house.

"Why didn't you go off to college?" Craig withdrew a spliff from his pocket and lit up, inhaling deeply as his eyes rolled back into his head.

He shrugged at me, that was his answer for everything.

"Craig," I pressed.

He handed me the spliff and I took a drag.

"We couldn't afford it," He plucked the paper from my hand as it burnt away, "I couldn't be bothered, there didn't seem much point,"

All of our old friends had left. I highly doubt me and Craig would have ended up in the place we were if there were other options. I suppose it was one of the reasons Craig wouldn't consider me his boyfriend, one of the reasons he wouldn't say I love you, because he didn't love me and secretly he wished I was someone else.

I glanced at my e-mails, waving away Craig's hand as he tried to pass me back the spliff.

"Shit Craig!" I exclaimed, beckoning him over, "Look at this!"

Making no rush, Craig slid off the bed and came to stare at the glowing screen.

"Three months free subscription to PornHub?" Craig inquired, wrinkling his nose, he wasn't a big fan of porn, everything was so fake.

"No," I shook my head and pointed below, "That,"

I grinned and leant back in my seat, spinning round and round in a haze.

"Karen's coming to visit?"

I jumped up, a large grin breaking out over my face, I don't know if it was the drugs but for the first time in a while I laughed.

Craig laughed too. Well, laugh is a slight overstatement, the left side of his mouth twitched upwards slightly.

Seeing Karen would bring back painful memories for the both of us. She was nearly fourteen now and she loved our Mum a great deal more than I did, I don't think she would ever get over what our parents did to us but I only wished I could be there to comfort her like I did when we were younger.

But no, social services thought it would be best if they shipped her off in the opposite direction to me.

"That's good Ken," Craig smiled and took another drag, I eyed the spliff hungrily.

* * *

Four joints later and everything seemed hilarious and stupid and underwater. We lay on the floor of Craig's room, staring up at the poster of Sarah Michelle Geller he put up when he was ten and counting the number of dust bunnies under his bed.

I propped myself up on my elbow and turned to face him, convinced I had something that was going to make him piss himself laughing.

"Craig, Craig, Craig," I alerted him, even though he was already looking at me, "What am I? Sssssssss,"

I began to make a long continuous hissing sound by pressing my tongue between my teeth. Craig stared at my perplexed, like I knew he would, he shrugged,

"I don't know, a snake?"

I shook my head enthusiastically.

"I'm a gas leak,"

The incredibly stupid punchline hung in the air and then fell flat. I snorted, laughing at the fact Craig didn't laugh until I was rolling around on the floor clutching my stomach.

"Huhuhuh," Before I knew it, Craig was snickering gently to himself that transformed into a full blow guffaw. We sat laughing, tears streaming down our faces for a good ten minutes until Craig turned to me, his laughter petering to a close.

I watched him and suddenly I was quiet too. The room was still spinning and I resisted the urge to tell Craig my philosophical theory on the spherical nature of breasts. Instead I inched closer to him, his roman nose almost touching mine.

He crawled his hand over to me and placed it on the zip of my Parker. Like clockwork, I began to close my eyes just as our mouths touched, only very lightly as Craig pulled his hand down, pushing my parka from my shoulders. Cold air hit my arms as I parted Craig's lips with mine, suckling gently.

Running his hands over my arms he turned so he was on top of me, straddling me with his long legs. I smiled up at him and he 'lip-twitched' back. His mouth descended over mine again and delicately placed short lived kisses there, gripping my arms as he pulled them over my head.

Craig leaned over me, he licked his lips and placed them to my ear, nibbling my earlobe.

"Don't freak out," He whispered to me and my eyebrows furrowed.

He sat back on top of my chest and pulled my hands towards him. Diligently he unwrapped the bandage from my hand and discarded it, I saw a smear of blood on it from the night before and looked away.

Craig turned my hand so it was palm up, pulling it towards him and kissing the still pink wound that was there. Falling onto me, he pulled my hands above my head again. I could smell the aftershave he used as he leaned over me and I buried my face in his neck, cautiously kissing there, expecting him to get scared.

Suddenly, I realized what he was doing. I felt his mouth on my wrist, pecking each individual scar, like he was comforting me from each individual attempt.

This time when he leaned back, I leaned up. I took his angular face in both my hands and mashed my lips onto his, breaking and then coming back for more. Craig's hands crept under my shirt, peeling it over my head, we paused for air and then returned to each other.

Laying me down again Craig moved down my body, tracing every frozen lake that ran down my body from the surgery scars to burn wounds and bruises. I watched his never changing face as he did this, he never gasped, never looked shocked, never changed. He treated each one the same, he touched it, took it in and then kissed it as gently as a mother would kiss her new born child

He kissed the place where he had punctured my skin with a bite, the scratches he had made on my back and the receding blackness of my eye. I returned the favour, running my hand over the dark spot under his eye where I had lodged a piece of gravel in a fight, the slightly light line of a lip bust too many times and kissing the ridge of his broken nose.

That was Craig's big apology, not only for the things he had done but for everything I had ever been through because let's face it, someone should say sorry for it and God wasn't going to make an appearance any time soon. However, it unfortunately didn't make me want to end my life any less.

Rolling away from me, Craig stared up at the ceiling again.

"What? No sex?" I whined, sprawling backwards so my head was on his chest.

"Not today," He smirked.

"What would you do if I told you I wanted you to kill me?" I asked nonchalantly.

Craig shook his head, pushing me away from him and getting to his feet.

"No Kenny!" He shouted, pointing at me with a trembling finger, "Don't be such a prick!"

I was being a prick, I shouldn't have asked him that but I couldn't think of a better way to go. I lifted my head from the floor.

"Craig," I said calmly, watching as he shook.

I opened my mouth to say something.

"I," Craig interrupted me, his whole body relaxing, "I wouldn't say no,"

He sighed. I knew all he wanted was for me to be happy and one of these days he would realize what would make me actually happy.

"If it's what you really wanted,"

"Come back here," I patted the space beside me on the filthy floor, "We can talk,"

He folded his arms across his chest, his face blank.

"Not about that," He mumbled.

"Not about that," I agreed and with a heavy exhalation Craig came back to me.


	5. I Pinky Promise

When the door opened I thought I was going to cry, literally just let everything out. The second I saw Karen everything felt like it had done nine years ago, the last realy vivid memory I had of Karen was about a year ago. We had been eating dinner, Mum was at her second job and Kevin was out with his friends. Our darling father had told us he wouldn't be coming back for the night, you have no idea how relieved we were at that.

You can imagine our fear when we heard a key in the lock. Not just a key, a mutter of explosive, angry curses as the key was jammed, drunkenly into the lock again and again.

I told Karen to get under the table, she looked at me fearfully and then crawled under, tightly forcing herself into a ball as our Father stormed through the door.

It took all of ten minutes before he hit me first. I was eighteen then, and I wasn't weak but I wasn't completely able to defend myself against my Dad.

"Dad, please," I asked, backing into the kitchen counter as he approached me with his belt wrapped around his hand, "Karen's in bed,"

I hadn't hoped the plea would get me out of the beating, I was just hoping it would be a beating I wouldn't need to scream throughout.

My plan worked, as my father backhanded me across the face. I fell to the right, clutching my face. Placing his large boot on the small of my back he gave a sharp kick and I fell to the ground. He reached down, one hand yanking my head back by my hair and the other twisting my arm up my back, that was when he saw Karen.

"You fuckin' lie to me boy?!" He roared, slamming his fist into my face with such force that it broke my nose in two places. Holding my head backwards, he watched with delight as blood streamed down and dripped thickly onto my shirt, I began to choke on it after a while, spluttering as blood entered my esophagus, my head was too far back.

Our Dad just laughed and then threw me on the floor, I retched violently, blood spilling onto the floor. Suddenly Karen screamed, the bastard had pulled her by her feet from the table and stood the twelve year old girl up.

The slap that echoed round the room spurred me into action.

I rushed at my dad, catching him round the stomach and sweeping him off his feet. He cracked his head on the side of the table but didn't black out. Delivering punch after punch I watched his face turn to mulch, his nose exploding in a sneeze of scarlet and Karen screaming at me to stop in the background.

I did stop, when he fell unconscious, I relaxed against the kitchen cabinet, breathing hard.

Well, I thought he was unconscious.

Stuart grabbed my leg and pulled me towards him, his face was a mixture of blood and yellow and swelling and black but he still managed to drag himself to his feet while I was startled.

That should have never of happened, I should have been more alert. I thought that to myself as the first stamp came down on my rib, I felt a crack and screamed. The scream sounded like it came from some tortured animal, it was loud and high pitch and wavering, it was inhuman and it made Karen collapse to the ground.

I heaved in empty breaths as the boot came down again, this time on my arm. I yelled out at the pain but it seems that wasn't enough, two more stomps succeeded in creating two more heinous cracking noises. I arched my back, screaming and screaming as I flailed wildly on the floor.

"Kenny," Karen yelled, "Kenny get up," I heard her voice pleading with me but I couldn't make sense of it.

The light was fading fast from the pain, it was glowing red hot and white against my eyes, I turned my light weight head to my arm and the sight of the mangled bone projecting from him made me throw up, soaking my shirt as I finally passed out in a phase of nausea, pain and fear.

That wasn't even one of the bad nights.

The thing that made it worse is that Karen never told me what happened after I blacked out.

* * *

"Karen!" I yelled, running to the door and sweeping her up.

"Kenny, Ken," She batted at me with tiny fists, "Get off!"

Craig and I had spent the whole morning cleaning m tiny, ugly, shitty apartment. Okay Craig cleaned while I smoked a joint and ordered him about.

I smushed my face against her cheek, holding her tightly. She laughed and flung her arms around my neck. It made me think about when we were kids and I would give her piggy back rides and let her dress me up as a fairy princess or be a guest at one of her tea parties.

"It's been so long," I took her bags for her and we walked through to the kitchen. What is it with girls and bags? She was only staying the night and had enough clothes to cover Russia.

"It's been three months," She corrected me, taking a seat at the grimy table. I watched as she swiped it with her finger, wrinkled her nose at the discovery, rubbed it on her little green dress and then acted like nothing had happened.

She grinned at me and I was pleased to see she still had that little gap in her teeth she did when she was a little girl, she was still a little girl to me.

Sitting down at the table I heard Craig creep down the stairs, determined not to make a big entrance but a normal one, just how he liked it. He entered the kitchen with his head down, cap pulled down over his ears.

"You remember Craig right?" I pointed a finger at Craig who glared at me before lifting a hand in greeting.

Karen stared at him for a while, cocking her head as she racked her brain, "No, sorry," She said sheepishly and I laughed.

"What's he doing here?" She asked.

"Well," Craig's eyes had widened and he shook his head frantically but subtly, I smiled warmly as I turned and straddled my chair, "Craig's my friend,"

Craig relaxed and Karen shrugged.

"So what are we doing tonight?" I regretted the fact I hadn't planned anything for her, but there was nothing too plan. I had no friends, a party wasn't going to happen and South Park was a small town.

"We can drink?" Craig suggested, sauntering to the dusty cupboards and producing a bottle of clear liquid, "Vodka's a girly drink right?"

"Craig! She's thirteen! She can't drink!"

I was aware Karen had folded her arms and was now looking at me with raised eyebrows and a look of contempt on her face.

"I'm fourteen Kenny," She assured me, although her eyes had darkened slightly at the prospect of alcohol, she knew what it could do to someone.

My mouth formed a small O of brotherly surprise and shame. I looked down at the table, embarrassed. God it was filthy.

"So, drinking it is," Craig muttered, swinging on his jacket, "I'll go get more beer,"

* * *

It was 12:37am and I already had my head in the toilet bowl.

Craig had left me there at 12:30am after I puked in the kitchen sink, tried to convince him I was okay to drink more and then passed out.

It was 12:40am and I was beginning to swing back into the real world, okay, I kept talking to myself, kept swinging back and forth and kept hitting my head on the toilet bowl but I was getting better.

Craig, I presumed, was in my room (we hid the porn don't worry) with Karen. Since the apartment was so shit, the walls were paper thin, which meant I could hear the Romanian couple downstairs fucking like animals but it also meant I could clearly hear what was going on in the other room.

"...So," I heard Craig's deep nasal voice, it had been silent for a while, "Having fun?"

"I am," Karen replied and there was a clink of glass, she giggled slightly, "I think I'm quite drunk,"

"She can't be!" I told myself, astounded, "She's fourteen," Then I remembered what I was like at fourteen, and I secretly forgave her but I still had to act angry since she was my little sister, not that anyone could hear my drunken whispers.

"Okay, let's just take that away from you," There was a clink of glass and bottle and a disappointed sigh from Karen.

"I wish Ken didn't drink so much," Karen admitted and I felt myself blush.

"Why's that?" Craig asked, it aggravated me that whatever she said, he sounded bored.

"Well...our Dad...you know..." There was a brief pause, "You do know right?!"

He did.

"I do," He swallowed, "Vaguely anyway,"

"Yeah, well, I'm just scared you know," Karen's voice was growing quieter and quieter, "That he'll end up..."

"He isn't your Dad, Karen," Craig assured her.

"It's not that, I know Kenny only gets angry at people who deserve it,"

"What is it then?" I was aware I had my ear pressed up to the wall at this point but I couldn't hear Karen anymore, just a few compressed sobs between inaudible words.

"I won't let that happen," Craig took over, his voice assertive.

"...because I can help!" Now even Craig was getting quiet, "...no...you're right...I can't...well, I can...but,"

"But what?!" Karen exploded and I jerked away from the wall, quickly returning after the slight shock.

"It's a different kind of help..." Craig groaned and I just knew he would have his head in his hands.

"...do you promise?" Karen asked, I didn't know what the promise was.

"I promise," Craig muttered, "...Okay...I pinky promise."

At 12:49am every single possibility as to what that promise could be was running through my head. By 7.29am I had forgotten the conversation had even taken place.


	6. Do You Love Me?

"You'll be good right?" Karen asked me as we parted ways, releasing me from a chokehold.

"Yeah, I guess," I smirked and she raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. "Okay, okay, I promise I'll be good,"

I didn't have to tell her everything, it had been a long while since I had.

"I miss you so much Ken," She pulled me to her again and squeezed, "Things aren't the same without you,"

I detached her from my chest and held her at arms length. Everything seemed so easy when she wasn't around, out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

"You know I'll always be there for you, right?" Craig glanced at me, his face emotionless but I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking that I'm a dick who wanted to kill himself but was convincing his innocent little sister that he would always be there for her. He thought I was an asshole.

"Yeah Kenny," She delicately placed a kiss on my cheek, her train was pulling in, "Love you! I'll see you soon right,"

"I'll see you...later," I gave her a pat on the head and she nuzzled into it like a cat, "Love you too,"

"Bye Craig," Without warning, she skipped lightly towards him and looped her arms around his neck. Standing on her tip toes to reach his neck.

"Oh, right, bye," Craig stuttered, gingerly raising his hands and giving her a tap on the back.

"Remember," She told him, moving backwards towards the train, "you pink promised!"

Craig rammed his hands into the pockets of his dark blue duffle coat, it was beginning to get cold. He nodded at Karen and she smiled, giving a quick wave before jumping onto the train, I helped her with her hefty bag and we stayed until the train pulled away, Karen waved frantically from her seat.

* * *

"Why'd you tell your sister that?!" Craig stormed through the door, almost knocking the piece of shit off it's hinges.

"Tell her what?" I asked, jogging up the stairs into the bedroom.

The apartment was tiny, immediately after entering, you were in the kitchen and from the kitchen the only way to go was up. At the top of the stairs were two doors: the bedroom and the bathroom. Shitty.

I heard Craig taking the stairs two at the time as he followed me.

"Tell her you'd always be there for her?" Craig stood in the doorway as I rummaged around the room.

I stopped and straightened, looking at him confused. It was unlike Craig to deal with confrontations.

"Urm, because I will?" I sidled towards him, my eyes narrowed accusingly.

"What? Even if you fucking kill yourself?" Craig moved towards me, jabbing at my chest with an accusing finger. "I mean Jesus Kenny, how could you do that to her?"

I felt my cheeks creep red, I always though Craig understood.

"She'd be better without me, my Aunt takes care of her," Moving away, I laid my head in my hands, pinching my nose and squeezing my eyes shut. "Everyone would be better off without me,"

I felt Craig lay his hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly, "Even me?"

"Yeah," I turned to Craig, pushing him away from me. I intended to do it forcefully but it came out as a weak slap.

I hated living. I wasn't depressed, It just all felt pointless. Dad in jail, Mum dead, Sister safer then she ever would be with me and Craig. Craig, who didn't love me, who was with me because I was the only person left and was only staying in this God forsaken town to stop me from killing myself.

"Yeah, I reckon you would Craig," I swept past him and felt Craig's shoulder crash into me. I trotted down the stairs again, Craig following me.

"The fuck?!" I heard him shout as he rounded the table to meet me, I tried to move away. How come when Craig didn't want to have a conversation, we didn't but when I didn't want to have one, nothing would be right until we did. "You're not making any sense Ken, all the porn's finally fucked with your brain,"

"You're telling me if I wasn't here you wouldn't be in College?" I threw my hands up, pushing myself up onto the kitchen counter and avoiding Craig's eyes.

"I told you I couldn't afford it," Craig mumbled as he opened the fridge, sticking his head inside/

I snorted, which turned into full blown, sarcastic, laughter. I jumped from the counter top, hoisting Craig out of the fridge by the hood of his sweat shirt and slamming the door.

"Don't lie you fucking asshole! Of course you would!" I wished I was taller then; so I didn't feel so intimidated by Craig simply looking at me. "and you wouldn't be with me..."

I bowed my head. Expecting Craig to deny it, to deny everything, every time he'd pulled this stunt with a girl, she'd declared her love for him a thousand times over but Craig wasn't a girl. Craig was fucking ignorant and stupid and extraordinarily.

"...be with you?" Craig questioned quietly, shifting his weight from one foot to another as he leant casually against the table. I had my shoulder against the fridge door, staring intently at the dirt caking the gaps in the linoleum as the silence filled the whole of the kitchen, the only sound either of them could hear was the lazy drips of a leaky tap.

"...if you're not with me...why are you still here?" I managed finally, my voice hoarse with a raw pain that was burning my throat.

"I care about you Ken," He replied monotonously, leaning down and placing his hands on my shoulders, his face at my level, trying to get me to look up. "We're just not...like that,"

"You care about me?!" I scrambled away from him, "Well fuck me Craig, that's just great! OH WAIT YOU ALREADY HAVE FUCKED ME!" I was shouting now, my voice ripping my throat to shreds as I fought back angry tears.

"Calm the fuck down Ken," Craig gently closed his eyes.

"Do you love me?" I stepped towards him.

The question was simple but it seemed to be I had asked Craig the meaning of life because his mouth opened and closed so fast he was like a goldfish on Ritalin. He ran a shaking hand through his black, brown air; shrugged, nodded, shook his head and generally showed the largest range of emotions since he was born.

"Kenny," He started but I held my hand up, making sure to keep my distance. If I got any closer I would hit him and I didn't want to give him an excuse to hit me.

"No, that's a simple question asked calmly: Do you love me?" I threaded a hand into my hair and pulled lightly in frustration. "Tell me you love me or get out my fucking house Craig, I'm so fucking done with your complete and utter shit."

Raising an eyebrow at him I waited and waited for the answer I was hoping for.

"Fuck this," Craig growled, staring at me with a look of contempt.

Seizing his duffle coat from the table he tugged it violently over his shoulder, flipping me off in the process, and then stormed from the ancient apartment, slamming the door behind him.

The door handle fell to the floor with an hollow clatter.

I stared at it for half an hour.

Just looking at the reflection of my gaunt figure, alone in the vacant kitchen.


	7. Trying to Keep You Warm

**It gets happier from here on out, I promise...sort of.**

* * *

It had been a couple weeks since me and Craig had last talked and I felt empty, like I had no purpose in the world. It wasn't like there was anyone else to fill the gap he had left.

There were no texts on my phone and there wouldn't be ny from me on Craig's.

I waited for him to show up at my door, to tell me he loved me and to look after me but he didn't. I wouldn't be surprised if he had already fucked off to college, the fucking dick. I bet he was already screwing someone else.

At first I thought I was angry, at first I wanted to break everything in the house, I wanted to throw my fist into the wall, I wanted to throw my fist in Craig's stupid, big nosed, face.

Then I realized that I was wrecked, I was distraught, I was sat on the floor with my head in my hands and screaming into the confines of my parka.

I didn't want him back, I was too strong, too fucking proud to go back to him when he couldn't even tell me he loved me.

Slumping onto my side, staring at the blank wall with vacant eyes I realized I wasn't strong, strong people didn't want to kill themselves, they plowed through, they kept going. I had tried, for eighteen fucking years I had pushed through abuse and poverty and now I was done.

It was now that I realized that Craig was gone and technically, I was fucking free.

* * *

Stark's Pond was cold...but when you were stood, chest deep in the water, during winter, it was bound in be freezing. Why kill myself this way you ask? Well, it's cold, unfeeling and makes me feel numb, just like Craig and I always wanted him to kill me. It's romantic or poetic or something.

I couldn't feel my hands as I brushed the water lightly, watching the ripples they created on the surface. I was shaking, struggling to summon the energy to grab something heavy and launched myself into the deep end. I was feeling sleepy, swaying gently as the water felt more and more at home, my lips turning a pale blue as my face drained of color. I shook violently placing a hand on the side of the lake to steady myself, my hand as blue as a corpse on the snow.

I didn't even feel the cold of the snow, my mind swam with thoughts of Craig, I could see him stood by the trees, I could see him telling me he didn't love me again.

Suddenly, I fell forward, my arms flailing sluggishly as my face hit the frigid water with a crash, it felt like a thousand tiny knives as the cold licked at my face and soaked through my clothes, my vision was blurring. As the water took hold of me, I gasped with shock for a second I was wildly alert as I sucked in water but then I was sinking and everything was blending into darkness.

Before I could sink to the bottom in the lake's icy clutches something tugged at my sleeve and I was lifted out the water. My arms were alive with goose bumps and my teeth clattered together like the reed in a harmonica. My hair plastered darkly to my face and my clothes were soaking wet, the cold gnawed at my insides like a hungry rat.

Calmly, Craig dragged me onto the snow, laying me down.

"Why'd you do that Kenny," He asked monotonously but the cold still had hold of my tongue.

Abruptly, Craig's face changed from neutral to concerned.

"Kenny...?" He tapped my face lightly with the back of his hand, his gloves were scratchy against my sallow cheeks. He stripped them off, leaning over me he hit my face again. "Get up,"

I wanted to, I really did, but I'd been in that water for a good half an hour. My arms felt like they were jerking involuntarily but they weren't, my body was dead still and light blue and even though I could see Craig start to panic I couldn't do anything.

Craig yanked off his coat, pulling me from the ground and sweeping it round my shoulders, rubbing my arms up and down as I lolled against him.

"Kenny, get the fuck up," He shook me, "I know you're angry at me but this is fucking stupid, get up!"

Craig was getting more and more aware at the fact I wasn't moving, I watched with dead eyes as my chest heaved up and down with sluggish and freezing breaths.

"Shit," He murmured, grabbing one of my grey hands and blowing hot air on it, rubbing it between his own in an attempt to warm him up.

My heart seemed to be racing, struggling wildly to escape from my chest in a maddening frenzy.

"Kenny!" Craig grabbed me and shook me, my rag doll head flopping around as if it was independent from my body. It seemed Craig's heart was racing just as fast as mine, "Don't die Ken, don't die,"

"Fuck!" He yelled, letting my paralyzed body slip to the icy ground again, he slammed his fist into the tightly packed snow, it split his knuckles and blood dripped lazily onto the ground.

Craig picked up his phone, and I'm sure he was about to call an ambulance but to be honest an ambulance actually arriving in South Park on time was as rare as finding a Pinta Island Tortoise in the Antarctic.

"Shit, I don't know what to do," He mumbled to himself, "Don't fucking die on me, I love you, I don't want you fucking dead!"

Craig stopped. His brow furrowed. I was laying on his lap as he attempted to warm me up..

"Yeah," He pulled me closer into him, "I love you Ken, fuck, fuck, fuck, I love you, don't fucking die."

* * *

I woke up in Craig's bed with one thousand and one multicolored blankets wrapped around my body. I glanced down to see I had on a bright yellow top and a pair of checked, blue, lounge pants that I recognized but best of all I was lying with Craig. My head was pressed to his chest and he had one arm around my back, pulling me towards him. Craig's other arm was protectively cradling my head, his hand twisting in my slightly damp hair.

I moaned slightly when I tried to move, my muscles were sore.

"Hey," Craig said and I realized he wasn't asleep. "You're not dead,"

I looked up at him not sure if things were awkward between us or not.

"Hey," I replied, shuffling a little in the single bed.

"...I was trying to keep you warm," He reluctantly released me from his grip and turned to his side table, "I made you hot chocolate for when you woke up..."

Handing me the mug, I switched from the mug to Craig and back to the mug.

"That's so gay..." I sipped delicately from the mug...it had a middle finger on it.

Craig smirked, sitting up and drawing his knees to his chest.

"How'd you find me?" I asked into the mug and Craig took it from me, placing it onto the floor.

"I came to your apartment, you know, tell you I was sorry and shit, but you weren't there. South Park isn't big Ken, so I saw you after ten minutes of looking, I kind of expected to find you where you where, you know, after the last conversation we had,"

I tried to unravel myself from the multitude of blankets I was wrapped in.

"Yeah well," I shrugged idiotically, I couldn't admit I was wrong.

"Ken I came to tell you I didn't want you fucking dead," Craig, nudged my chin upwards and I placed my hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks, turning my head away. "Because I want to be with you," He swallowed, moving closer to me, "I love you,"

I inhaled, gripping his shirt with my hand, and pulled him towards me.

"You scared the shit out of me," He mumbled, his lips brushing mine.

"Craig Tucker? Scared?" I snorted, "Fuck me that's gay,"

"Shut the fuck up Ken," He sighed, kissing me and stopping my next words in their tracks.


	8. Whistle

"So you nearly died..." Craig reminded me as I sat at the table, it was half past ten and Craig was making breakfast.

After bringing me home, soaking wet and suffering from hypothermia, it only took a couple moments of flipping his family off before they allowed him to haul me up to his room. They even supplied the blankets and were more than happy for Craig to warm me up with his body heat.

"Not really," I attempted to shift Craig's sweater and hat but he whipped around, pointing a spatula at me and flicking grease across the table.

"You keep that on McCormick," He growled and I moaned.

"I'm boiling Craig," He narrowed his eyes at me and I resisted pulling it off me in a sweaty heap.

Craig went back to the sizzling pan he was working on, I cocked my head slightly at his cute ass, clad in a pair of blue skinny jeans and an old, off white shirt. He hadn't allowed me to get changed so I was still in his clothes, except now I had on a sweatshirt and a chullo hat rammed on my head.

I rested my head on my hands, staring dreamily at his backside, his lithe frame bent over his masterpiece.

"Say it again," I lilted, sticking my tongue between my teeth as he swung round, his eyebrow raised.

"Say wha-" He stared at me, his expression falling into blankness, "No,"

He turned back to the pan as it spat at him. I laughed.

"Why not?" I pushed my lip out, pulling his hat from my head and throwing it at him, it landed lamely on his shoulder.

"You're being faggy," Craig bit back at the oily pan.

I scoffed loudly, placing my sock, clad feet on the table; wiggled my toe that poked through one of the holes and grinned.

"We are faggy," I watched Craig stiffen, slamming his spatula down with a clatter.

"Iliu," I craned forward, almost falling from my chair as I put my feet back on the ground.

"What was that?"

Craig jerked his utensil into the pan, shoveling out rashers of bacon onto a plate of bread and slamming the other piece on the top. He turned to me, sliding the plate across the table until it hit my arm then he slowly put his hands on the table and looked at me dead in the eye.

"I love you," He assured me through gritted teeth.

With a sly smile I met him in the middle of the table, darting forward and placing a kiss on his nose.

I'm really sure he wanted to hit me then.

He didn't though, he just sighed and sat down, nodding at me to eat while he clenched and unclenched his fists.

Laughing, I began to eat happily.

* * *

"Stripe?!" Craig threw the cushions from his couch over his shoulder, they hit the floor with a dull thud, "Stripe?!" Craig yelled again as he frantically searched the house for his guinea-pig.

Now, I'm pretty sure Stripe was actually Stripe the fourth or fifth but Craig was way too gullible to realize that. After our breakfast he had pottered off to feed Stripe, the clattering and shouting had alerted me to Craig's panicked searching.

"Craig," I laid a hand on his shoulder and watched him flick round, his eyes were large and full of fear, I couldn't help but smile, he really did look cute when he wasn't being a stoic dick. "We'll find him,"

"I've never lost him," His voice cracked as he dived back into his search.

We looked for a good hour, tearing away CD's and DVD's from their respective racks, couches were disassembled; Craig tore out the whole of his fucking wardrobe (he wears a hell of a lot of blue and yellow)

Craig was bent double on the desecrated sofa, his face buried deeply in his hands as he groaned loudly.

"We're never gonna find him Ken," He barked, angrily biting his nail.

"That's not true, they're always in the last place you-" I stopped talking.

Looking through the archway that led from the living room into the kitchen, across the kitchen, past the table, behind the table leg, on the floor, I saw Stripe. The little fucking guinea-pig was munching slowly on a left over, wilted piece of lettuce that had been discarded on the kitchen floor.

"Ken?" I heard a voice in my ear, "Kenny!" He pushed me and I was forced to drag my eyes off the rodent that had caused my boyfriend_ (boyfriend)_ so much trouble.

"Stripe," I talked slowly and out the side of my mouth, "Is in the fucking kitchen,"

"What?!" Craig leapt to his feet and sped into the kitchen.

"Fuck! Craig!" I followed him just in time to see the tiny animal skitter away, "Aw shit,"

Craig plunked himself down on one of the chairs, his head being repeatedly smacked into the table.

"Whistle him," I suggested, still able to see Stripe chilling in the doorway. "I'm sure that works with those things,"  
"No," He moaned, his face smushed into the table.

I leant down, tilting mine to the right so I was looking at him. "Why not?"

I whistled loudly, a wolf whistle, and I swear to God that guinea-pig looked up.

"Hey Craig, your pet's a slut!" A slap round my head was the reply.

"Fuck off McCormick," He growled but I could see him looking longingly at the critter.

It stared back, black pupils looking into my soul as its jaw worked the lettuce into mush.

"Whistle again Kenny," He asked me, scooching closer to my animal whispering ways.

I looked back at him, raising an eyebrow as I smirked lightly, "Do you not know how to whistle baby?" I cooed at him, winking.

He rammed a middle finger in my face and I laughed, throwing my head back; quickly shutting up so I didn't scare Stripe. I grabbed his hand and wrapped mine around it, yanking him closer to me.

"I can teach you?" I followed the question with a whistle, taunting Craig was way too fun.

He looked past me, staring longingly at Stripe.

"Okay.." He muttered to me.

I slipped off my chair, kneeling down in between Craig's legs and licking my lips dangerously. Craig blushed slightly but didn't say anything, he'd let it happen if I wanted to, Stripe or no Stripe. I wasn't there for that though, I rested my hands on his thighs and stared up at his narrowed eyes.

Again I licked my lips and watched him swallow.

"It's easy," I grinned, "Just put your lips together and blow," I demonstrated it with a curt tweet of noise.

"I guess that's why you're so fucking good at it, hey?" It was his turn to grin, I placed my hand even closer to his crotch and his smile faltered.

"Come on, have a go,"

Craig tried to blow through the largest O I'd ever seen, it looked like he was cooling down soup.

"Fuck Craig, you're trying to whistle, not suck someone off," I giggled.

Craig placed his hands on my forearms and yanked me closer, my eyes widening in shock, he placed his face threateningly close to mine. Pecking me on the lips, and then gently shaking his head, Craig released me.

I knelt upwards and cupped his face with my hands, pulling him forward to meet my lips again. Gently, I whistled in his ear and he attempted it again, sighing again when he failed.

"It takes practice," I said, standing up and turning away from him.

I crept delicately towards Stripe, whistling as if it was making any difference, throwing myself to the ground I slid forward, cupping the bitch in my hand and dragging it inwards. Craig jumped up in panic at the squealing as I grappled with the struggling, furry, thing.

"I've fucking got it!" I screamed, victoriously and for once Craig actually grinned at me, complete with a relieved laugh.

* * *

Staring at Stripe as he rolled around in his little cage, I felt a hand pull down my hood and a half hearted, tuneless, blow of air in my ear. I turned and was met with Craig's mouth, he slipped his tongue through my lips and pushed my head into his mouth, long fingers tangled up in my hair. He nibbled my lip and I whined slightly into his half open mouth; he pulled away with a dark, sexual smirk on his face.

"Thanks," He rested his hands on my shoulders and placed his forehead to mine, "You know, for teaching me to whistle,"

He dragged his face down to my ear and his hands stroked from my shoulders to the loops of my belt.

"Now," He chewed on my ear, kissing my jawline and back up, "I've got something to teach you,"

Already, I had slipped Craig's hoodie from his shoulder, he was fucking hot. "What is it?" I asked eagerly.

Craig retreated, sitting down on his tiny bed and licking his luxurious lips.

"Come over here and I'll show you," Craig whistled.

And I came.


	9. Talking

**Sorry for the shite, lazy chapter, get ready for some tension next chapter**

* * *

"Why do you never talk to me about things?" Craig mumbled to me as we sat watching a film.

I was laid on his lap, my arms wrapped around his left leg and my head directed at the TV. It was half an hour through a silent viewing of Scott Pilgrim Vs The World when Craig perked up.

I rolled over so I was looking up at him, releasing his leg. Self-consciously Craig put a hand over his nose so I couldn't look up at it, I laughed softly.

"What?"

Craig pushed me off of him and my smile faltered, I turned around to him and watched his eyes droop, he wouldn't look at me.

Things had gone so well in the past weeks. I'd begun to see Craig smile and laugh and it was because of me, if I asked he would tell me that he loved me albeit with a grimace and sometimes it would be coupled with an insult but that was okay with me. We still fought occasionally, we had those moments where one of us, or both of us just lost control. We were volatile people though, it was to be expected. He even sometimes let me top.

So seeing him liked this was a huge step back, huddled up on the far right of the sofa, me on the right. Looking at me with a look of hurt plastered on his face.

"You don't tell me anything," He mumbled.

"You don't tell me anything either!" I barked back and Craig widened his eyes.

It took me a moment to realize how short I had been with him when this was really all I ever wanted.

"No, but there's nothing to tell," He drawled, "My life is boring and you know it...just how I liked it"

I shuffled slightly, drawing my knees up to my chin.

"Then you won't want me to complicate it,"

"Don't be stupid," Craig huffed, crawling across the sofa to sit next to me, turning me to face him.

"There's nothing to tell, it's been nearly a year and I've been with you the whole time," I informed him, standing up, my hands shaking.

"Kenny come on!" His voice got sterner, he thought if he used his 'annoyed' voice, he could just control me. "What about your Mum's death? Or your Dad? Or your sister? Or all the people you've fucked? You're fucked up Ken!"

I turned towards him, really wanting to punch him in the face for mention those things. Things he knew better then to try and talk to me about but I didn't.

I laughed at him, grinning as I pointed a finger at his chest.

"I'm fucked up? This is coming from the guy whose family despise him and don't know he's gay;who can't show any fucking emotion apart from when he's practically psychotic! What about all the people you've fucked Craig?! Hey?!"

I was smiling with a strained grin that was almost psychopathic. I was aware that my finger had jabbed Craig in the chest about four times and that it was jittering wildly.

I span away from him, aiming to storm away but I had nowhere to go and I didn't want to go home. So I walked through the arch doorway and stood over the sink.

I was bubbling with a confused kind of anger. I was a calm person, I am a calm person, I make jokes and I mess around and I take things lightly but there are some things that people mention and it makes me flip out.

I heard Craig leave the couch with a squeak, he paced the floor slowly and I watched his shadow slide across the wall I was staring at until it disappeared behind mine.

"You're trembling McCormick," He informed me, he didn't touch me, he knew better then to do that right now.

I pushed my hands into my face, wiping away the angry tears that had escaped my eyes and jogged down my face.

Carefully, Craig placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Talk," He gave me an encouraging squeeze and I started to shake even harder.

My head turned slightly, I couldn't see the face of the taller boy but I could see his pale hands lined with blue veins and it calmed me.

"Only if you will," I whimpered. It was strange, not having to be strong.

Every single day I would have a smile on my face, especially around the guys, no one knew about my life. Then I let someone in and it felt strange that I didn't need to be that anymore, it was okay to be weak, it was okay to fall because someone was there to catch me.

"You ask, I'll tell," I felt Craig nod, that was Craig. You ask him fucking anything and he'll tell you in his monotonous voice.

He slung his arm around my shoulder, he wasn't my boyfriend, he was my friend today.

Sitting on opposite ends of the sofa Craig nudged me with his foot.

"Ask me something," I racked my brain for some kind of question, some specific question but I couldn't.

"...Tell me about your family..." I whispered, raising my eyes with my head lowered so I looked like a shy little girl.

Craig took in a breath.

"Mum and Dad have always fucking hated me, Mum only worried when everything was fucked or I was too far gone. She always tried to intervene too late and then I'd just snap at her. She hated my Dad and my Dad hated me for some fucking reason, Mum and Dad used to have huge fights with me just sat there, I wanted to fade into the fucking background. They loved Ruby way more then they loved me and made a point to tell me how much better she was then me even when I was five fucking years older than her. Ruby did this and Ruby did that and I didn't even want to fucking be in the house so I'd stay with Stripe and watch RedRacer. I started throwing people under the bus, looking for things in people that would make me think I was better then them, I was such a fucking bully. I threw Rube under the bus a billion times just to feel like my parents knew I was fucking there. We all hate each other really."

There was barely a pause in the whole fucking speech and Craig rattled it off with such monotony that you would think he'd told the same thing to fifty other people.

"You were a bully?" I knew that, everyone fucking knew that. I may have been the 'bad boy' but Craig was the mean boy. I just wanted him to elaborate.

He nodded smiling, half shame and half amusement.

"You know that I was, you know I liked it. You know I liked making myself seem better then other people so I picked on peoples weaknesses. I beat the shit out of people for fun. You know that."  
"You were such a fucker," I smiled and Craig's eyes darkened.

"So, are you going to tell me anything about your family?" I was silent, "Or am I going to have to learn everything from Karen?"


	10. Dodgy

**I don't even know what happened with this chapter...like at all...it makes no sense...everything was meant to be longer but I had work to do...so it just kind of finished...soooo...this was the end product and...it was... weird.**

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"Why do you want to know?" I clutched my knees to my chest.

"Because kid," Craig yanked himself towards me, the couch squeaking as he crawled across it and threw his arms around my neck. Squeezing me so tightly that my head was rammed into his chest, his face jammed snugly into my shoulder.

I sighed, shoving him off me.

"Don't patronize me," I growled, turning my face into the sofa. "I'm not your kid,"

I understood I was acting like a child, dodging his questions and being so horrendously irrational. I didn't know what to do, it felt strange to open up to someone, to let them know the disgusting inner workings of my mind and release a can of worms big enough to swallow the earth, then let them make up their minds whether to you're a freak or not.

"I just want you to be happy," Craig looked sad, almost disappointed, "I want to help,"

I swallowed, dragging myself into a poor excuse for a sitting position and stared scornfully at Craig's pallid face.

"I had a mum; a dad; a sister; a house and all that shit," I spat at him and he tensed up. Craig did not take well to sarcasm. "Now I don't have a mum and I don't have a dad and I barely have a sister,"

My voice had steadily increased until I was almost shouting.

"You have me," Craig leaned foreward and clasped my wrists, pulling me towards him and following my fallen eyes. "And until you can at least try and help me understand, I can't let you act like this!"

I was silent. Dead silent as I felt Craig loosen his grip on my wrists, he moved my wrist up to his mouth and just pressed it to his lips, not kissing it, just holding my hand to the warmth of his mouth.

"He wasn't even bad, Stuart," I began, mumbling over the jumble of words. "When he was sober he loved us,"

"And when he was drunk he hit you?" I wondered if Craig knew how tame those words were.

"Yeah...he did," I pulled slightly and Craig released my wrist. "I'm such a pussy,"

"Kenny don't be fucking stupid, we've all been beaten up before," He towered over me on the sofa, "We haven't all been in a fight with our 6" 3', 225llbs, fathers,"

"My mum didn't care," I whimpered and Craig allowed me to draw into myself again, "...well, she did... but she never stopped him," I cried out, lashing my fist down and then burying my head in my hands.

"No one cared! No one noticed! No," I stopped myself, smirking as I shook my head, "No, they noticed, it's hard not to notice but no one ever fucking cared,"

Craig was silent now, he looked on as I shuddered violently. It was like he had released a demon, a creature so vitriolic and angry that it rivaled Satan.

Opening his mouth, Craig dived to say something.

"No!" I roared, moving towards him so I was on all fours, jabbing a finger into his chest. "Don't you dare say you cared! You didn't care! You stayed inside your own fucking bubble and you didn't fucking care,"

I collapsed onto his chest, sobbing angrily, bitterly until it was no longer crying. It was a screaming, disturbing cry that echoed the years of torment. I dug my nails into his chest, grabbing fistfuls of his t-shirt for purchase and slowly knocking my head onto his firm sternum.

Tediously, slowly, I felt Craig place his hand on the back of my head, it was shaking. Craig was shaking. His fingers that were looped into my hair had become stuck and he pulled slightly to try and get them loose.

I felt like a child, that's how I had been judged.

Judged by Craig.

I was a fucking little girl who needed the comfort of her man.

Staring up at him with tear stained cheeks and sore, red, eyes. Craig looked sympathetic and cold, like he always did.

"I'm here now," Craig assured me, dropping the hand that was on my head to my shoulder, "That's the best I've got,"

I pushed up so I was kneeling, my legs on either side of him. Taking his face in my hands, I kissed him and he parted his warm, soft lips. He responded to me with slow, gentle kisses on my cheeks, trailing upwards to my eyes.

It was funny really, the way we both fought for the control, we were both the same but so different.

I kissed him again, hard and so he responded. Grabbing his collar I yanked him closer to me, running my hands down his back, under his shirt and yanking it dangerously hard over his head.

"Woah, calm down Ken," He laughed, almost uneasily, but I couldn't. I kissed him harder and squeezed his neck.

In turn, Craig grappled with my trousers, sliding downwards, under my waistband. I rocked backwards, pulling Craig onto my lap. I stared up at his cream color skin and smiled, beautiful Craig placed his hands on the wall behind us as he rocked slowly onto me, moaning through clenched teeth.

"It's okay," I murmured to him, as he began to grind again, "you can let go,"

He scowled at me and I could tell this wasn't something he'd done before.

"I know you like it," I laughed, squeezing his ass and watching as he sucked in a breath through his teeth. I dragged my hand round to the front of his jeans, I knew he liked it.

He didn't reply, he just pulled off my shirt, throwing it to the ground as he attacked my chest. Biting and sucking in all the right spots, trying to make me elicit some noise or response.

"Ahh," I listened to him whimper with glee, his dick hard against me, "Fuck,"  
Frantically he ground into me, his face screwed up in an effort to conceal the immense pleasure he was feeling.

I grabbed his forearms and made him look at me.

"I want to fuck you," I grinned, a large, sly, smile that made Craig's eyes widen in both fear, apprehension and excitement. "I wanna fuck you, hard,"

Craig exhaled sharply as I slid my hand down to his ass and pressed a finger to him. I watched with a sadistic pleasure as Craig mewled in appreciation.

He pressed his warm, moist, mouth against my ear, he bit lightly and ran his tongue around the lobe.

"Go on then kid," I pressed harder, feeling a slight opening and hearing Craig growl in frustration, "Fuck me."


	11. Leaky Faucet

**I beg you please to leave a review with your interpretation of this mad, mad chapter. I want to see whether everyone thinks I'm crazy, or if you get it or if it's just awful.**

**This story so up and down people will want to kill me.**

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"Are you sure Craig...?" I asked, peppering his neck with kisses as I leant up to greet him, "You_ want_ to be_ fucked_?"

Craig growled into my my ear as he pressed up against me, slowly grinding into my chest.

Suddenly, we weren't wearing clothes and Craig was shaking as he sat on my lap, I felt in control, I felt possessive, I felt in love as I slid another finger inside him, this time its up to the knuckle. Craig's arms are wrapped around my neck like some love sick princess as he rolled back and exhaled, his big, gray eyes, flickering closed as I pumped in and out.

"Do you like this Craig?" I grinned, I was so hard my dick had it's own pulse, "Do you _like_ being _my_ bitch for once?"

Craig shook his head and I curled my fingers inside of him, he struggled to hold back another appreciative moan as he bobbed on me again.

"Don't hold back," I told him and he whined, "Tell me you like it,"

Withdrawing my hand I slid it around his back, rolling the taller boy so he was lying down on the couch, waiting for me. I leant over him, kissing his porcelain chest as if it were gold.

He began to breathe heavily and I could hear the perpetual drip of a tap in the kitchen, I spread his legs and he bent his knees. Gripping onto his hips I lifted him towards me, a car streaked past outside and I slid into him.

"Yes," He moaned, his face screwed up in an excellent picture of arousal and pain, "I like it,"

He froze and I felt him tighten around me, I grunted. He slammed his hand over his mouth, looking shocked at his own words.

I ignored it, knowing I could make him melt. Agonizingly slowly, I slid into him, up to my hilt, filling him until he couldn't let me in any further.

Craig's eyes squeezed shut as his fingers grabbed onto the slick leather.

"Ken," He pleaded and I think he was trying to tell me to slow down but I was too lost in the ocean that was Craig Tucker.

Just as teasingly slow, I began to pull away from him. Craig let out a pathetic whine of a moan.

"Oh - _fuck_ - you're tight," I pressed against him so our chests were touching, biting onto his shoulder as I began to sweat. Feeling Craig's walls pull against me as I withdrew. He'd never been fucked before.

"Harder," I heard him whine tentatively and I slammed back into him with such a force it made him cry out.

I hoisted him to me, spinning us around so he was on top.

Soothing him with gentle kisses to the jaw and neck I placed my hands on his sharp hips and guided him into a rhythm, a rhythm that had both of us crying out in a matter of seconds.

My gaze trailed from his unfeeling eyes, now wide with apprehension, to his muscled arms and jutting hip bones, those hip bones that had caused my pelvis to become a canvas of purple bruises.

Craig was leaning over me now, his fingers gouging into my shoulders.

"Tell me," I said, tightening my grip around his erection, "About this,"

Tucker was still trying to hold back how truly he was enthralled but when I said that, he let out some kind of cry mixed with pleasure and pain.

"I want it, I want you to fuck me, I want to be your bitch, fuck me, fuck me,"

I threw Craig from me onto all fours, sliding over the sweat slicked sofa as we shifted spots. I clutched onto his hips and plunged into him again. He braced himself on the arm of the couch and cried out as I smashed into him again and again, growling like something possessed as my fingers raked bloody streaks in Craig's perfect skin. I raised a hand and struck it across his perfect ass, watching in sick glee as the skin blushed red and Craig shrieked.

"Don't stop," He breathed into the arm, backing up until we were snugly fit together, "Please, please, I'm going to-"

With a strangled cry Craig tensed and exploded, I fucked him through it, through his tightening and past his yelping. It was strange thinking of Craig as a virgin, it was strange thinking of Craig as anything but Craig.

At that moment I hated Craig again, I hated his probing questions, I hated the fact he was like my mother, like my father, the fact he got the control and the fact he wouldn't let me fucking go.

Finally I came, erupting inside of Craig as I pulled out of his stretched body. I collapsed onto his moist, sticky figure and kissed his back, the salt stinging my chapped lips.

"What did we just do?" I heard him spit into the couch.

I ran a hand from the nape of his neck, down the curve of his spine, to his opening, pushing my thumb through the white and making him gasp again.

"We did it how it's meant to be done," I hummed against his back.

I stood, letting him clean his own mess up as I re-dressed. I glanced over at him and realized the boy hadn't moved, his shaking hands had dropped languidly on the sofa and he was trembling oh so carefully.

Craig didn't cry, but I knew he was sobbing, he didn't produce real tears but he produced some sort of terribly unnerving feeling.

"Tucker, get up," I ordered, throwing his come soaked boxers at him.

Slowly he cleaned himself off, almost grimacing as he rose to his feet and then sank back onto the sofa. Head in his hands.

I stared at him, A sickening smile creeping across my face.

"What the fuck did you just do to me?!" He barked, wincing slightly.

I bent down next to him and took his spasming hands in mine.

"I just sodomized you," I said with a cheeky wink, "And you loved it," I licked his salt from my lips and his mouth part into a cute little O I could just stick my dick in.

"I didn't fucking love it," Craig yelled, his voice full of malice and gravel and shame as he shoved me away from him.

I grew red and began to make a low rumbling noise like an animal that seemed to frighten Craig. I hated people who could dish it, but couldn't take it. Why shouldn't I get a go once in a while? Because it made Craig seem like a pussy? How did he think I felt all the fucking time? But I fucking comprised.

"You fucking...you fucking..." Craig couldn't grasp the words as he trembled, goose flesh creeping over his arms, his skin blotchy, sweat drenched and red.

"I fucking what Tucker?!" I rose up to him, towering with my fist clench, I was fighting to urge to hit him. "Did I fucking hit you and then drag you to the floor? Because you've done that to me on more then one occasion,"

Craig stared at the ground. He wanted to leave, to curl up with stripe and forget things happened, I wouldn't be surprised if he left for good, but that wasn't my priority right now.

"In fact I distinctly remember you telling me to fuck you harder," I yelled in his face, flecks of my spit leaving my mouth and dotting across his bowed head, "You remember that Craig?!"

Lifting his head, Craig fixed his eyes on the still leaking faucet, it was dripping faster and faster now. It didn't look like it was going to be fixed. His traumatized eyes never left that spot as I slung an arm around him.

"I'm not your fucking bitch," I seethed into his ear. Resting my head neatly in his shoulder.

Turning towards me Craig was still shuddering uneasily, he moved his hand to the inside of my thigh, his hand trembling as he leaned forward and softly placed a feather light kiss on my lips.

Lowering his head he mumbled something, he looked ruined.

"What?" I asked and his hand snaked further into my thigh.

"Fuck me again," He whimpered, his voice breaking.

Using my body I guided him onto his back, my leg sneaking in-between his as our bodies touched ever so slightly. Craig looked forlorn as he turned his head from me, his nervous fingers pulling me down.

I licked from his neck to the strong line of his jaw, biting slightly as I moved to his ear lobe. I felt him sigh with pleasure and then sob.

"Say please," I ordered, my hand already at the waistband of his boxers.

There was a pause and then, reluctantly at first, but eagerly begging by the tenth minute.

"Please."


	12. I'm Not Right

**Last Chapter guys! Thank you for the continuous support (duh you know who you are you douche) and every one else whose taken the time to read and review this rushed and weird story!**

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"I'm not right," I breathed, the tears in my eyes blocked by something else. My throat closing up every time I opened it to say something, getting to the point where I thought I would go to speak and just nothing would come out.

The couch felt strange now, uncomfortable and fake.

The tap was groaning in the kitchen now, growing louder with ever minute. Craig had finished being angry, finished sobbing into his hands and screaming into the muffled chasm he created with them.

Now, we were both breathing heavily and not from what you think.

We had finished and I'd got dressed, so had Craig, speedier than me and raising from the sofa before me. The first thing he did was grapple with the sink, jiggling it around and swearing when he couldn't fix it.

Then it hit me. Everything hit me again at once.

I didn't want to live, that had always been clear but now I knew that even with Craig loving me, he just wasn't enough to fill the void.

There was nothing, nothing that could bring me up from the place I had hit.

I stopped, my shirt in hands, as I fell back onto the sofa, staring absently into nothing.

Craig stopped his work and looked up at me; he crept back into the living room like a mouse. An incredibly uninterested mouse. Pausing in the doorway, he leant against the frame, propping up his tall figure..

"I'm not right,"

I watched him.

As his eyes descended to stare at the ground, he exhaled hard and drew in a new lung full of air. Craig swabbed at his eyes and then clenched his hands into fist as they tangled in his jet black hair.

I wish I knew how he was feeling.

I guessed annoyed. Annoyed we had gone full circle.

Or upset, but then it realized it was Craig I was dealing with,

Maybe even happiness. A slight sense of relief that I wouldn't be taking up any more of his time.

Craig pushed off from the wall and sat down beside me, staring at the same place I was gazing at.

"We're both not right Kenny," He agreed.

The water carried on dripping into the sink and we listened to it, letting time tick by, using the slow, metallic, drips to measure it.

I yanked my shirt over my head, the orange clashed with my jeans.

"I do love you," Craig mumbled, his hands fixed tightly in his lap, "I fucking hate you too but I'm not happy if you aren't,"

"I'm not,"

"I know Kenny, I know,"

Abandoning Craig I left to find my parka, the orange coat was bigger than normal and it felty heavier. I withdrew what I needed and returned to stare at the wall with Tucker.

I placed a hand gun in his lap.

My eyes were fixed on the white space but from my peripheral vision I watched as Craig's eyes fell down, saddened, and registered what was in his lap. He reached down and wrapped his hand around the steel barrel, wincing as he lifted it, playing with the weight.

"You can't Ken," He pleaded and I shook my head.

"Why?" I wanted, needed, to know, "Why can't I?"

"I promised," He whimpered, throwing the gun back to my lap, "I promised Karen that I wouldn't let you kill yourself," He groaned.

You may be thinking that I was a dick for leaving Karen and I swear to God if you ever said that to my face I would gut you. I weighed her down, she would never be able to get on with her life if I was here, I needed her to move away, to be able to make something of herself instead of wondering when she'll next see me.

"I fucking pinky promised Ken," He pulled his hands together, knotting them through each other and shuffling in his seat.

"I don't want to kill myself," I whispered hoarsely as I took hold of his hand. Wrapping his fingers around the handle of the gun.

"You said we wouldn't talk about this again," Craig said monotonously, not meeting my insistent eyes.

I guided him to his feet by his shoulders, staring up at his dark, blue, grey eyes, they seemed cloudy now. Unseeing.

"We're not talking about it anymore, we're doing it,"

I held Craig's wrist as I guided his hand to my forehead, smack bang in the middle. As soon as I felt the coolness of the nose I felt a certain warmth fill me, a freeness, relief.

I was aware of the tears rolling slowly down my face as Craig leaned in, dropping his arm; letting the weapon hang languidly by his side, and kissed my cheek.

"Why?" He asked me, his knuckles whitening as I watched him tense.

I wanted him to know it wasn't his fault.

"It's not your fault,"

That I thought if I was happy with him, I wouldn't want to die.

"I thought if I was with you, if I was happy with you, I wouldn't want to die,"

And that this was the greatest thing I could ever ask anyone to do, but it could never be anyone but him..

"I know what I'm asking you is huge...horrendous even... but I couldn't have anyone other than you do it Craig. What you're giving me...You're making me happy,"

I watched as his eyes softened and he smiled very lightly.

"What about the blood? The body?"

I shook my head.

"I've got a letter, it's a suicide," He still looked queazy, "It's okay if you close your eyes,"

"Karen?" He mumbled and I knew he didn't want to break her promise.

Resting my hand on his shoulder I kissed his bone dry cheek.

"I have a letter for her too,"

Craig shifted his weight from one foot to the other. I reached out and took his hand, letting him know that it was time. "I can't believe it's come to this McCormick,"

We both listened for the drip of the tap.

Two minutes. Three minutes. Four minutes. Then Craig lifted his hand and pressed the pistol to my head again.

I nodded slowly and he choked back a strange sob-like noise yet he was smiling softly.

"I love you...there wasn't really a moment when I didn't, kid." He told me. "And I'm sorry,"

"Me too,"

Five minutes. Six minutes. Seven minutes. Craig placed his finger on the trigger.

Craig Tucker squeezed the trigger and it was done.

Life dissolved in a scarlet flash of spray, darkness swelled up and all the lights in the house went out. I expected angelic chorus' and a great white light but it was just Craig's pained face and the whining sense of forever.

As soon as Craig pulled the trigger to end it all, I realized how much I wanted it to keep on going.

The End


	13. Epilogue

**Lol JK ****_this _****is the end.**

**For real this time.**

**It's so soppy.**

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Kenny McComrick woke up in his bed.

His head spinning.

Arms feeling like dead weights.

He groaned and clutched at his sheets, not quite realizing yet but it wouldn't take long for the lightbulb to illuminate.

"Hey, you're up,"

Kenny looked up to his bedroom door and saw Craig. The taller boy stood with two cups of some hot drink, he moved to Kenny's bedside table and set the drink down and then took a cautious sip from his.

"I came over last night, after you left mine and was impressed to see you already in bed," He laughed and squatted next to Kenny, "It's nice to see you sleeping...not passed out or unconscious,"

"But," Kenny stuttered, staring down at Craig from his slightly elevated position, "I was dead,"

"Not dead," Craig rocked on his heels, cradling his drink, "Dreaming,"

Kenny remembered though, no dream was that vivid, he remembered the crescendo of incredible pain and Craig's arm extended towards him.

Yes, he knew he died.

He stared blankly at Craig, mouth opening and closing; looking at the ceiling and then the floor. He wasn't sure who he was thanking for this gift. Was it even a gift?

Kenny looked down at Craig and upon seeing that black haired, pretty boy with the muscular arms and hips like daggers, he felt his eyes tear up.

Without warning Kenny flung himself at Craig, knocking him to the ground with a shout.

Craig's mug flipped over and spilled it's content all over Kenny's already grotty carpet.

"Fuck Kenny, my coffee!" Was all Craig got out before Kenny enveloped his mouth in a passionate kiss, he crushed Craig's thin lips between his own and slowly Craig unraveled.

Wrapping his arms around Kenny's shoulders Craig moved them into a kneeling position.

Kenny pulled away with damp eyes and a smile. He wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve and half laughed-half cried.

"What's going on Ken?" Craig questioned, one eyebrow raised.

The sound of his voice caused Kenny to take the other boy's face in his hands and smash into his lips again.

"I love you Craig," He gave his answer, their foreheads touching and one side of Craig's mouth crept up, "I love you so much,"

"Kenny," Craig took hold of the boy's shaking hand and pulled him to his feet. Gripping his shoulders, Craig placed a light kiss on Kenny's lips.

Kenny waited impatiently as Craig's hands moved to cup his chin and his jawline and neck, his lips moving from Kenny's cheeks to his nose and forehead all the way down his arms and his hands.

"Aren't you going to say it back you dick?" Kenny retorted and Craig flipped him off before shutting him up with a smile of a kiss.

"I love you more than life itself," Craig murmured into Kenny's mouth as they kissed, "Don't leave me alone in this place Kenny,"

Kenny's arms were wrapped around Craig's waist, long fingers brushing the cold skin of the stoic boy's back, lightly.

"Never," Kenny assured him, realizing just how close he had been to leaving Craig forever.

Craig slung his arm's around Kenny's tiny neck and hoisted him into a vice like hug. Kenny's face buried in his chest, he inhaled, taking in the scent of Craig's aftershave and purring.

"I've been alone for far too long," Craig admitted, placing a protective kiss on the top of Kenny's mane of sandy blonde hair.

Kenny took Craig's hand, interlocking their fingers as he led the taller boy, his boyfriend, from the room and out of the house. Into the fresh Colorado air.

Outside everything seemed clean and pure and fresh, the snow that coating everything was an innocent white.

Kenny squeezed Craig's hand reassuringly as they started their new walk.

"Where ever you go, I go,"

_Trying to catch your heart,_

_Is like trying to catch a star. _


End file.
